


Please Don't Go Where I Can't Follow

by TopHatNerd



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: He's just not there, I don't even know how he died, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-04-03 22:45:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4117498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TopHatNerd/pseuds/TopHatNerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They make a promise with no intention of breaking it. Yet, reality is like a service ace in the face from Oikawa Tooru.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Promise

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I know this has so many plot holes but I had to get it out of my system and this is my first attempt at writing KuroTsuki or hq!! fic/drabble in general.

Kuroo takes Tsukishima’s right hand in his left. Running his thumb over Tsukishima’s knuckles and skin, he hums while doing so.

They are lying on their shared bed, content with the other’s company. Kuroo on his side and Tsukishima on his back.

“Hey, Tsukki?”

Tsukishima clicks his tongue at the nickname but otherwise, Kuroo has the attention that he wants.

“Can I ask something from you?”

Tsukishima turns his head to look at Kuroo, “Sure.” he said. Tsukishima looks at Kuroo’s face, searching for the usual mischievousness but instead, he finds Kuroo’s eyes are focusing on his hand. He looks… doleful. “What is it?” He knows something is up. Rarely does he have to use words such as “doleful” to describe Kuroo’s facial expression and when the times ask, something is always up.

Gripping Tsukishima’s hand, Kuroo finally breathes out audibly as if he has been holding his breath.

“Please don’t go where I can’t follow.”

Tsukishima winces at the sudden force on his hand. He turns his body to face Karoo who’s lying on his side. Kuroo has his eyes closed. He chews on his lips and Tsukishima knows that he won’t be letting go of his hand any moment now.

“Hey, Tetsu?” Tsukishima calls. “Don’t worry. I won’t let myself.” Usually, it’s Kuroo who reassures him when he’s down so Tsukishima is not used to being the one reassuring the other (fear of messing things up still haunts him like a shadow). “I promise.”  _I won’t forgive myself if I do_  He wants to say more but words are lost to him. Tsukishima raises his other hand and cards it through Kuroo’s hair. “I promise.” He coos and squeezes Kuroo’s hand back. 

Likewise, Kuroo does the same. 


	2. I Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in a rush so there’s gonna be plot holes but I intend to write a part three later so hopefully I can explain things further then. For now, please enjoy this. This also have mentions of a few songs' lyrics and has the usage of the word “dumbass”.

Tsukishima opens the refrigerator door to find out that the milk bottle is empty.

“Kuroo! I’m heading out to buy milk! Do you want something?”, he calls.

Silence.

Tsukishima sighs. He shuffles to his feet and goes to do his shopping.

-o-

“Thank you for your purchases! Please come again!”

Tsukishima exits the supermarket with a plastic bag filled with goods occupying his left hand. He breathes in the winter night air. It’s 21:04. He has school tomorrow.  _Did I do my homework?_ Tsukishima shakes his head. His homework, done, a file in his computer and a neat pile of paper on his desk, is forgotten.

 _It’s getting chillier._ Shivers run down his spines and Tsukishima wishes for a source of heat, a warm hand or a scarf. But instead he pulls up the collar of his bright red jacket and walks home. He puts on his earphone and puts his music on shuffle.

The music starts with slowly and picks up its rhythm not long after that. _“You’re just too good to be true-”_  He presses “skip” and filling his ears are the sounds of a piano.  _“Ocean’s apart-”_ Skip.  _“Made a wrong turn-”_ Skip. Clapping and guitar.  _“Too many voices~”_ And Tsukishima settles with “I’ll Be Your Man” by James Blunt.

Tsukishima doesn’t remember downloading these songs to his phone but he knows someone who could.

~~Well, _knew_.~~

He walks home with his left hand holding his grocery bag and his right clutching his phone. His breathing is heavy but he puts one foot over the other and repeats that process. He made a promise and he has no intention of breaking it no matter what. Not now. Not ever.

He still has a lot of time left.

-o-

[21:23]

“I’m home.” Tsukishima announces but the words are like a mutter under his breath. His apartment is dark and cold, just like how he has left it. He puts his groceries where they belong and plops down onto his sofa. His apartment is of the perfect size for one occupant but the sofa he’s occupying is too big for him and the longer he sits, the more empty he feels.

However, Tsukishima remains seated. His legs nudge the coffee table and he reaches over for the photo album lying on the surface. It’s a plain looking one, with a beige cover and the name tag is written in his neat handwriting and Kuroo’s disorganized one. He opens it and immerses himself in the past.

The first photo is of him at his graduation day three years ago. “Tsukki’s graduation!! :3333” was scribbled on it. He recalls that day fondly. Kuroo attended his graduation ceremony and Tsukishima remembers the proud look the man had when he met up with him.

That photo is the only one of him that passes as “serious” for Tsukishima. The rest are all taken at random moments but he has to admit, Kuroo is good at taking random photos. Next were photos of them moving in this apartment, him being caught off guard and Kuroo making funny faces.

There is one photo with Kuroo kissing his left cheek. The man was holding up the camera and taking the photo at the same time. His face wasn’t the most appealing in that one. Wide eyes and cheeks dusted pink.

Tsukishima runs his right index finger over the edges of the photo lovingly. He can feel his eyes narrowing and gracing his lips is a stupid happy smile. He rubs his left cheek. Even though one year has passed, he can still remember how that kiss felt like on his cheek. Kuroo’s thin, chapped lips being pressed gently Tsukishima’s skin. His eyes were closed and he let out a deep sigh of content.

[22:01]

And that is the last photo. Tsukishima turns to empty pages, one after another until there is nothing left to flip. He exhales and realizes then that he was holding his breath.

_Who would have thought that I’d be here by myself?_

_-Well, you did, dumbass._

Tsukishima clicks his tongue and returns the album back on the coffee table. He isn’t in the mood for music but he gets up nonetheless.

Putting on his headphone, he sits back down on the sofa and plays his music again.

And he falls asleep, to ONE OK ROCK’s “Heartache”.

[23:59]

Tsukishima turns in his sleep on the sofa. His head and feet are resting on each armrest.

“Happy birthday”, he mumbles, with a smile on his face “Tetsu…”

[00:00, 11/17/20xx]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs mentioned: "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" by Frankie Valli, "Right Here Waiting For You" by Richard Marx, "Perfect" by P!nk, "I'll Be Your Man" by James Blunt


	3. I Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima wakes up in the ungodly hour of the day missing Kuroo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I tried.

Tsukishima wakes with an aching body at three in the morning. Groaning and stretching, he reaches into the darkness of his apartment. He wriggles his fingers, as if trying to find something nonexistent in the chilly air of his apartment.

Hands on his knees, he ponders what to do. He wakes up in the earliest hours of the day not feeling restless or tired with increasing regularity. His mind paces. The music still playing since he closes his eyes at ten PM. Soft music fills his ear and he hums to it, as if somewhere in his mind stored recordings-

Recordings.

He thinks back on how Kuroo used to records himself babbling about anything on Tsukishima's phone, sometimes going as far as to sing and how he, Tsukishima Kei, loved those recordings. He denied loving them but Kuroo always saw through the terribly-concealed lie.

To this day, he still loves those recordings, something Kuroo left behind. He catches himself missing the way Kuroo says his name, _Tsukishima Kei_ , _Tsukki_ , _Kei_ , as if it's his own. With so much love, adoration, care that Tsukishima never thought a human could show just through the way they say your name.

Kuroo proves him wrong.

He misses more than how Kuroo says his name. The _good-mornings_ : how Kuroo's head emerged from the cotton pillow, hair going in different directions. The humming of his voice when a particular song comes up. The _goodnights_ when Kuroo would smile at Tsukishima through his tired sleepy eyes and a small toothy smile, almost hidden by the pillow. The _I-love-yous_ muttered from the bottom of Kuroo's heart only for his ears. The _laters_ , _see-you-soons_ , _babes_ , _loves_ , _birds_ , etc. And the _goodbyes_ when they parted their ways early in the day only to reunite later at night.

Tsukishima sighs, unable to cover a smile on his face.

But

Where's the _good_ in the last _goodbye_?

Tsukishima cringes. Left hand goes up to cover his right, where he can still feel the lingering of the last time Kuroo touched him. The desperate grip of a man on his stark white death bed splotched with blood.

_“P-Promise me… Promise me you’ll live.”_

_“I promise.”_

_“And smile!”_

_“I will.”_

‘I lived.’ Tsukishima whispers to himself. ‘I live.’ To live means to move on and he doesn’t know if he’s ready. Ready for living a life without Kuroo Tetsurou.

But he has to. For his own good and for Kuroo’s.

He made a promise after all. 

-o-

‘Sorry. But I can’t follow you.’

_Hush. You’re not one to be blamed. I’m sorry I can’t stay._

‘Tetsu-’

_You live. That’s what it matters. Continue to live. Promise me._

‘I will.’

The voice in Tsukishima’s head fades into oblivion.


End file.
